Lesson 13 ~ Chaplaincy Course ~ Traps to Avoid

Chaplaincy Studies

Lesson 13 ~ Traps to Avoid ~ Essay

Rev. Trent Murman, OSM, OSF

Develop a plan of self-awareness and write it out. How will you/do you avoid the traps common to the chaplain ministry?  Every person in the professional community has to be clearly mindful of sinister traps which may lay in wait, whether it be in a doctor's office, a school guidance counselor's office, a gym teachers office or within our private office when counseling or discussing matters with not only the opposite sex but now days even the same sex.  If there is any reservation in your mind be on the defensive.  You never know what evil may be festering in your visitor's mind.  In our profession it is very wise to be aware of these situations which may arise.  When I visit a female in the hospital, I always have or request a female to accompany me to the patient's room and stay with me until I can get a good feel of the mindset of the person I am visiting and if I am requested to have a private conversation regarding sins, etc. I will ask the employee to remain outside the patient's room, with the door open.  This helps to deter any ill thoughts the female patient may have.  If I am counseling persons of the opposite sex especially if it is a younger teenager….during the initial phone interview I ask the teen if she would mind a parent or guardian being with us…if she says yes, this should throw up a red flag and immediately put you on your defensive side.  You should then ask if she would mind if your administrative secretary or another female of your choice be present (everyone in the churches employment or volunteers are sworn to confidentiality).  This also deters ill thoughts.  If the meeting/counseling is male to male….usually this doesn't create a problem.  However, with the frequency of clergy being falsely accused of misconduct I have instituted that the office door remain open and I assure the visitor everything regarding our meeting will be kept confidential.  For new clergy I would suggest that all meetings be "open door" until they feel comfortable with their meetings.  It is a must that we as professionals hold ourselves to the highest of moral standings and keep our personal lives personal and professional lives completely professional.  Just be careful!!

Go In Peace

Chaplaincy Studies lesson 17

1. One of the ways that I am held accountable in ministry is by my spouse. She makes sure that I do what I'm supposed to do.

 

2. At this point I don't have a mentor, however I had thought about asking the pastor at our church if he'd been willing to be a mentor to someone like me.

Lesson 11 ~ Counseling someone in grief

Chaplaincy Studies

Lesson 11 ~ Counseling someone in grief  ~ Essay

By: Rev. Trent Murman

 

I remember one time when the mother of a service man was brought into her place of business' office and was told her son had just been killed while serving his country in the Iraq war.  The woman looked stunned and most like catatonic in appearance.  Helping her sit down, I sat beside her and gently took her hand in mine, it was cold, I could feel my hands warming up hers as it rested between both of my hands.  There was no crying.  She said she just couldn't.  She spoke of her son who had just graduated high school, he was a star football player she went on, so healthy, so kind to everyone and full of life.  Still no tears.  She looked at me with sad puppy dog eyes and just asked "WHY?".  I simply said to her "I don't know…I just don't know".  Then she simply said "though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…I fear no evil…my God he comforts me"….then it was like the flood gates opened up.  She wept for her son.  I just sat beside her she began squeezing my hand harder and harder, I didn't move…I realized she needed this and I was there for her.  She then asked me to say a Hail Mary with her…we said three.  I have been with a few others in my time and I have learned more than one thing…but I think the most important thing was to be empathetic and not to say "I know how you feel" because most of the time we don't know and everyone tends to grieve in their own way and in their own time.  Once again just listening was the greatest tool I could have used. 

Go In Peace

 

Lesson 10 ~ Chaplaincy Studies

Chaplaincy Studies

Lesson 10 ~ The Listener ~ The Healing Touch Essay

By:  Rev. Trent

 

Develop a personal policy on what you believe appropriate touch is.

Policy ~ Appropriate Touch
Office Visitations		The office door is to remain open if a female is being counseled.  The office staff is sworn to secrecy at the time of employment, meaning if anything is overheard…nothing is to be repeated.  The open door is for the protection of the clergy.  A holding of hands may appropriate for consoling, a light touch as in prayer may be done.  In the case of male or females seeking counseling the minister must evaluate the situation and let his conscience be his guide.  Be careful what you may portray as being within your appropriate boundaries…others may perceive as inappropriate touching.  Refrain from "hugging".
Hospital/Home Visitations		Usually in these instances there will be other family members present.  If the person you are visiting requests a private session with you, once again be careful.  You may sit on a chair at the bedside, never on the bed.  You may hold the hand.  If Absolution, Last Rites or Rites of Passage are to be administered ask one of the family members to come  into the room with you.  This is appropriate for verification to the rest of the family as being completed.  If more than one family member wishes to be present it is okay.  However, Absolution and Last Confessions are to remain private between clergy and the person.
Social Gatherings		You must remain professional, even out of your collar.  Handshaking is most appropriate.  A slight pat on the shoulder or back as in "well done" may be appropriate.  The length of the "touch" must be monitored by that little voice inside that may say "ok now move your hand away".  You must be aware not only of your actions but others that may be watching you and what they might perceive as "inappropriate touching".
Conclusion		Touching is a very sensitive area.  Remember most guidelines and of course that little voice inside of you is your best monitor.  If you are uncomfortable or you feel the person is uncomfortable with your "touch" then STOP or DON'T START.

Go In Peace

Chaplaincy Studies

Lesson 9 ~ The Listener

By:  Rev. Trent

 

Write a short paragraph on what you have learned about active listening skills and its value to your ministry.   Listening has always been not only the road to knowledge, but a great way of showing concern to your fellow human being.  I remember many times, especially with youngsters/teens when they would stop in just to say hello and wanted to chat the beginning sentence of phrase was usually "…..no one will listen to me".  My reply to them would be in a fatherly form….tell me what's on your mind.  They would go on about how older brothers or sisters or parents just don't seem to have the time to listen and how they feel unwanted or ignored.  I always try to impress on them they are all very much wanted and needed and are very important to everyone.  Then I sit and listen.  Some just want to say hello and some may really have something bothering them deeply.  I try not to show that I may be in a hurry or need to be somewhere (there are no clocks in my office except for a clock on the computer…I do not wear a watch so this doesn't give me the opportunity to keep looking at it.  I try to give them, no matter who it is, my undivided attention.  I always remember some people are or can be very troubled about something not only teens.  I usually have certain times for office hours and I do try to keep to that schedule…including one day out of the week for evening hours, by appointment.  I also remind them everything said between us is just that…between us and is sacred.  This seems to put everyone who comes to me more at ease.  Listening can be the greatest tool and very valuable for future conversations.  I also try not to take hand written notes, these can be seen by others and often misunderstood if the whole conversation is not there, because they are only getting bits and pieces.  Listening can be and is the most powerful tool we may have.

 

GO IN PEACE

Lesson 8 ~ Chaplaincy Studies ~

Masters of Chaplaincy Studies

Lesson 8 ~  Trust, Confidentiality, and Compassion

By:  Rev. Trent Murman

 

Check the laws in your state concerning what clergy are required to report on and develop a short paragraph. In the state of Indiana like in most states clergy are required to report incidents of known child abuse or if told in confidence that the act may occur.  They are also required to report crimes of the heinous nature which are confessed or are told they are or may going to be committed.  Also, thoughts of suicide after evaluation by the clergy deem it an eminent act.

Write a short paragraph on recent action of compassion in your ministry to another.  Recently I had the honor of helping an elderly lady deal with the pending eminent demise of her husband.  Her immediate family (children) were all from out-of-the-state and she needed help getting her husband to and from doctor's appointments.  I assisted in arranging travel help within the community and when they were not available I helped her myself, so the husband could get his comfort needing treatments prior to his demise.  This is our work and I feel we should not embellish on it or seek praise.  It should be an honor to help others when in need.   

Go In Peace

Master of Chaplaincy Studies by Rev. Akers

 

ULC Seminary Chaplaincy Course – KaZ Akers

 

What It Means to Be a Chaplain

 

In the last year it has become very evident to me what it means to be a chaplain, especially in the hospital setting.

 

I had to rush a dear friend by ambulance because the blood thinning medication he was taking had thinned his blood to such an extent that he was bleeding out through his skin.

 

When I found him at home, he was nearly unconscious and had fallen in his bathroom   He couldn't focus and struggled to fight what was happening to him.

 

At that very moment it seemed like the world slowed down.  I was extremely calm and knew exactly what to do.  While keeping him quiet, I called 911 and spoke to them making sure they knew his vitals and exactly where he was located.   I gathered together all his medicines and clothes, and his cell phone then called his out-of-town family.  Everything was effortless.  I was guided moment by moment by God.  I knew exactly what to do and when to do it. I knew exactly what to say and how to say it. 

 

Once the paramedics arrived I answered their questions while they worked on my friend.  There was no anxiety, and no panic. I knew he was divinely protected.  I followed the ambulance to the hospital got him admitted to surgery then went about the task of informing his pastor and his friends. 

 

I visited him almost every day in intensive care.  Critically ill people surrounded him in the ward.  I would enter the ward with a kind of reverence I never knew.  Honoring each person and where they were in their life journey.  Honoring the families in their suffering and worry.  Knowing that I had the ability to be there for them and be strong and supportive.

 

Of course, I was worried about my friend, but not once did I feel like crying.  I surprised myself that I stayed very present.  I KNEW there was a Divine process occurring.  Something completely out of anyone's control.

 

In the ICU I was comfortable and knew I belonged there.  My conversations with my friend's doctors and nurses were comforting for my friend. I could be there for him in a loving, supportive way and also be there for him when he needed me as a liaison to the medical staff - expressing his needs and desires when he could not. 

 

When he needed prayer, I was there.  When he needed a drink of water, I was there.  When he needed a joke or a story or someone to read his email, I was there.    For three weeks I held a type of vigil for my friend.  And made sure each time I stepped in to the hospital that I had a smile, a kind word and a positive outlook for anyone whom I encountered.

 

I stayed available sometimes in an obvious way and sometimes in a very neutral way.  It all ebbed and flowed depending on the day, the situation, the people around and my friend's health status. 

 

If I could express it as a freeing feeling to be available to ANYONE there for his or her spiritual unfoldment, that may be the most accurate description I can impart to anyone.

 

Being in a chaplaincy position is to release the ego and be a conduit for the ailing and their families to access their Divine connection and be at peace in their Divine journey. To know when to step forward and when to step back and to anticipate the needs of the patient and the family at the right time, in the right way.  To remain in the background as a touchstone when necessary, all the while being there the moment you are called upon to serve.

 

On an even more personal note, my father has been in and out of UCLA Medical Center for two brain surgery procedures.  Of course, this has been extremely stressful for him and for my mother and my sister.  It became very obvious to me what my role needed to be in this scenario.  I needed to be at peace at all times.  I needed for nothing to be too much to ask and for me to be the voice of reason when family members could not.  I ascertained when I needed to speak up either to the medical staff or my family and when I needed to be still. 

 

First and foremost, I needed to be available to my father without a single thought for myself.  That came easily and effortlessly.  It was a revelation. I transcended myself and put myself in a position of complete service. 

 

The Medical Center has a beautiful interdenominational chapel and I would go down at least once and day and pray and meditate.  At one point my father asked me where I was going and I told him that I was going to the chapel.  "Are you going to pray for me?"  He asked.  "If you want me to, I will."  "Yes, I need all the help I can get." 

 

So even in that way, not being in his room or in his presence, he called upon me to help him.    And THAT is one of the most profound things about chaplaincy.  Whether you are in a patient's presence or not, they feel your support.  They know you are a loving, caring component in their recovery, convalescence, or transition.

 

Knowing when to be present and when to make your presence known even if it is simply at a distance is the delicate but very vital calling for a chaplain. 

The relief I see in patient's eyes when someone is there supporting them, is a gift and a blessings. 

 

When you stand in the knowledge that you are being of ultimate service to people by supporting their spiritual needs is sometimes all that is needed.

 

It has shown me that I have a strength I never really knew I had.  And that God is with me at all times showing me the way.  Filling me with peace and that peace I can pass on whenever it is needed.