Chaplaincy Studies
Lesson 11 ~ Counseling someone in grief ~ Essay
By: Rev. Trent Murman
I remember one time when the mother of a service man was brought into her place of business' office and was told her son had just been killed while serving his country in the Iraq war. The woman looked stunned and most like catatonic in appearance. Helping her sit down, I sat beside her and gently took her hand in mine, it was cold, I could feel my hands warming up hers as it rested between both of my hands. There was no crying. She said she just couldn't. She spoke of her son who had just graduated high school, he was a star football player she went on, so healthy, so kind to everyone and full of life. Still no tears. She looked at me with sad puppy dog eyes and just asked "WHY?". I simply said to her "I don't know…I just don't know". Then she simply said "though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…I fear no evil…my God he comforts me"….then it was like the flood gates opened up. She wept for her son. I just sat beside her she began squeezing my hand harder and harder, I didn't move…I realized she needed this and I was there for her. She then asked me to say a Hail Mary with her…we said three. I have been with a few others in my time and I have learned more than one thing…but I think the most important thing was to be empathetic and not to say "I know how you feel" because most of the time we don't know and everyone tends to grieve in their own way and in their own time. Once again just listening was the greatest tool I could have used.
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